How To Save Your Marriage-Dirty Secrets That The Relationship Experts Neglect To Mention In The Self Help Books

Do you know that you are not alone in wanting to know on how to save your marriage? It has been a hot topic for countless self-help books, talk shows and songs. Despite all the help available now, why is divorce seems so inevitable? Could it be that the advices in the books are flawed somehow? The suggested approach is usually sound but what they do not realize that most of the advices are given without considering the timing. Here are some dirty secrets that even the experts do not want you to know.

 

Secret number one: Do not mention the ‘d’ word

Forget about using the‘d’ word in all your conversation. If you do not want it, do not even mention it or you will subconsciously plant a suggestion in your partner’s mind. So, the first thing you must remember is not to mention the‘d’ word. During the heated argument, you may be tempted to use the word as a threat. When you have used it too much for too long, it will occur to one of you that you may actually be better of without the other person. So,‘d’ becomes a reality.

 

Secret number two: Stop taking each other for granted

During the courtship stage both of you are aware of each other’s needs. You may it a point of saying “please” and “thank you” and be extra courteous to each other. After the marriage, you may take each other for granted. You may even forget to call each other when you are running late. If you want to know how well both of you get along, look at how you handle the disagreements that came up. Do you patiently and politely resolve them? At the very least, you must show respect to the other party by listening and acknowledging the person’s viewpoint. 

 

Secret number three: Accept that your spouse is imperfect!

Everyone has a few irritating habit like leaving plates on the table after dinner or forgetting to take out the garbage. It is easy to tolerate them when you are newly married. As you stay together for some time, you may find them to be unbearable and wish your spouse just stop doing that. If you find your spouse’s habits to be too much for you, have a polite talk with him or her. If it is not very serious, you must learn to live with that.

 

Secret number four: Do not criticize nor complain

This is another marriage killer. It is related to taking things for granted and constantly looking for faults in your spouse. When you keep nagging about the things that your spouse do, it becomes a push factor into separation. It is fine when you detect something you do not like and would like your spouse to change them but you need to do so in a courteous manner and do not hurt your spouse’s  feelings.

 

Secret number five: Take time to learn about relationship dynamics

It does not mean you passively watch people from afar. Take the proactive approach and really understand how people act when they are in a group setting and in intimate setting. Out of necessity, we are all wearing social masks to get approvals for our behaviors. You may think that you may have known your spouse for life and know everything about him or her. Yet, your spouse may act differently and have different hot buttons. There is something new you can learn everyday. So, do not be constrained by ‘rules’. Above all, be courageous in asking your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.

 

Conclusion:

It is not difficult to save your marriage. But it does take a lot of efforts upfront. Do not rely on any self help book as they are written to sell books. Make sure you take some of these advices to heart to start with a good foundation.

 

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